


Short stories

by prepare4trouble



Category: Red Dwarf (UK TV)
Genre: Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:20:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25509649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prepare4trouble/pseuds/prepare4trouble
Summary: A collection of short stories written for tumblr that weren't long enough to warrant their own AO3 entry
Relationships: Dave Lister/Arnold Rimmer
Comments: 14
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a dialogue prompt on tumblr. Prompt was "Love is overrated."

“Hey, can I ask you a question?” Lister asked as he stomped wearily into the sleeping quarters.

Rimmer, seated on his bunk, already in his pyjamas ready for bed, shrugged. “You can ask, Lister. I give no guarantees that I’m going to answer.”

That was about as fair as he could hope for. Lister sat down at the table, flicked his locs over his shoulder and began to play with the end of one of them nervously. “Do you ever miss it?” he asked.

“Miss what?”

“Earth, I mean. All the things you used to take for granted.”

Rimmer looked at him for a long moment, as though mulling over whether it was worth his time to answer. Finally, he swung his legs up onto the bunk and lay down. “Well I certainly don’t miss Earth, Lister. I’ve never been to the place.”

“Really?” That seemed almost inconceivable to Lister. “Not even for a visit?”

Rimmer shook his head. “Why would I want to? I mean, sure it used to be quite nice, but it’s a bit of a cesspit now by most accounts. It’s not the kind of place I’d want to go for a holiday.”

Lister frowned at him. “Earth’s where we all came from, Rimmer. Were you never even a bit curious?”

“Nope. And frankly, if the other people from there are anything like you. I think I made the right decision.”

Lister shook his head. “Fine, that’s not what I was asking anyway. I meant, do you think about all the things you lost?”

“What, like having a body? Being able to touch things? The simple joy of picking something up instead of having to ask someone else to do it for me?”

Lister shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. I meant more like…” He hesitated. “Like, do you know what I miss?”

Rimmer shrugged. “Sex?”

“No… Well, a bit, but that’s not what I was going to say.”

“No, then. What?”

Lister shrugged, feeling a bit silly now. “You know how when you’re not on a spaceship you get actual days? You know, like the sun will rise, and then set, and then rise again?”

Rimmer nodded. “Yes, I’m familiar with the concept.”

“Yeah, well I miss that. I miss the world telling me when it’s day and night instead of just being able to turn the lights on and off myself whenever I want to.”

“Right. And that’s it, is it? You miss not having to go to the effort of turning the lights on and off?”

That wasn’t it. That wasn’t what he had meant at all. “No, smeghead. I miss the sun. I miss having some real concept of night and day. And I especially miss staying up until dawn with someone I love, and watching the sunrise together. The sunrises on Earth are _spectacular_. Something to do with all the air pollution I think.”

“You’re really selling the place, Lister. ‘Come to Earth, see the sun hit our spectacular array of noxious gasses’ Lovely.”

“It _is_ actually.”

Rimmer shrugged, apparently unimpressed. “Right. And you’d watch this with someone you ‘love’?”

“Well, yeah. Everything’s better when you do it with someone you love.”

Rimmer shook his head. “Love is overrated, Lister.”

“Yeah well you would say that, because you’ve never experienced it.”

Rimmer froze for a moment, then rolled over onto his side, facing the wall. “Goodnight, Lister,” he said.

“Oh hey, don’t be like that,” Lister said. “I’m sorry.”

Rimmer didn’t reply.

Lister buried his head in his hands. “Come on, Rimmer. Talk to me a bit.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Rimmer told him.

Well, he’d screwed that up, hadn’t he? Lister slumped and sank into silence for a moment.

“You’re right, you know,” Rimmer said finally. He was still facing the wall as he spoke. “I never did experience love. Never will, now.”

Lister sighed. “Don’t be so sure. Maybe you did. Maybe you did and you never even realised. I mean, just because _you_ weren’t in love doesn’t mean somebody else doesn… didn’t love _you_.”

Rimmer shook his head. “No, they didn’t, and it’s fine, I had more important things to worry about. Falling in love would have been very inconvenient for me, actually.”

“Inconvenient. Right.” Lister rolled his eyes. “Anyway, I was checking the navicomp and we’re not too far from an uninhabited planet with a breathable atmosphere. It’ll mean a course change and take a couple of days to reach it, but I figured why not?”

Rimmer rolled over onto his other side to look at Lister. “A more pertinent question would be why?”

“Because I want to sit on a hill and watch the sunrise,” Lister told him. His nervous fidgeting with his hair increased in speed, and he glanced away shyly. “And, I mean, I was thinking it might make it better if you were there with me.”


	2. Hum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very silly little fic based on the concept of Rimmer’s light bee overheating and a fan kicking in when he gets anxious. The idea comes from [a post on Tumblr @sevena11](https://sevena11.tumblr.com/post/626288606647058432/this-random-thought-amused-me-so-here-you-go)

A humming, buzzing noise suddenly and unexpectedly cut through the peace and quiet of the sleeping quarters. Recognising it immediately, Lister frowned as he glanced up from his curry to look at Rimmer. The hologram was sitting on his bunk with a deep frown creasing his forehead behind his H, appearing not to be doing much of anything.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….

It wasn’t a particularly _bad_ noise. It wasn’t fingers on a chalkboard or persistent car alarm annoying, but it was loud, distracting, and impossible to ignore. The worst times were those when it woke him in the middle the night, either because Rimmer was partway through some particularly troubling nightmare or simply because he was up and… well, and being Rimmer.

“Rimmer, can you stop it?” Lister asked him. He tore off a large piece of naan bread and dunked it in vindaloo sauce until it was dripping, then raised it toward his mouth.

“Stop what?”

Lister crammed his food into his mouth and swallowed most of it before he replied. “You’re making that noise again.”

Rimmer shook his head. “I’m not making a noise, Lister. You, on the other hand, could be a bit quieter with that curry. Did nobody ever teach you to chew with your mouth closed?”

“It’s not _you_ you, it’s your light bee again.”

“Right.” Rimmer’s hand briefly touched his chest, around where the small device hovered inside him, projecting his image. “Well I can’t do much about _that_ , can I?”

Lister scooped up another dollop of curry on another piece of naan, and this time bit off a smaller piece and made sure to chew quietly. “You could,” he insisted. “You could stop stressing so much.”

The buzzing, humming sound didn’t relent.

“What are you even worrying about right now? All you’re doing is hanging out in our quarters.” Lister finished off the last of the naan, then ran his fingertip along the plate, collecting the very last of the curry sauce, and licked it clean.

“I’m not worrying about anything, I’m just thinking.” Rimmer insisted.

“About what?”

“Nothing. Just stuff.”

Lister sighed, pushed his plate to one side and placed his feet on the table. “Well, you’d better stop,” he said. “Those fans aren’t designed to run twenty hours a day, they’ll only take so much, and we don’t have an infinite supply of light bees, you know.”

The moment he said it, he knew it had been a mistake; a fact that was confirmed when the buzzing sound grew subtly louder.


End file.
